Found music again | bouts of mania

26 Dec

It’s the Christmas holidays. While I was never in the holiday mood – this year that feeling of detachment is much more obvious – I very much welcomed the change of pace. All of a sudden, the long work days (even the ones on weekends) ended and I had three weeks to get myself shitfaced. Well, not really. I found myself with three weeks of nothing doing. Though that is not entirely true as I have a list of tasks I have to finish before the work resumes again. I have not gotten around to starting any of those. Too lazy.

I noticed of late that I have somehow had this tendency of getting really into certain things. A craving for a connection, knowledge, entertainment. In the weeks leading to the holidays, when I would not fly out to Jakarta or somewhere outside of S, I would spend the weekend cooped up in my room, doing stuff like watching entire seasons of shows on Netflix, or the entire four seasons of SKAM, in one weekend. Also some other things it would be best for me not to mention here. And so now those are gone, exhausted by bouts of mania, I find myself going back to music.

So now my last.fm account is once more scrobbling, since yesterday I had been listening to music practically the entire day. And I realise how much music is missing from my current collection, but I cannot do anything about it for now (outside of looking for albums on Apple Music, which in most cases isn’t as the stuff I want are only available in the Japanese iTunes Store) until I buy myself a connector for my external hard drives. Maybe tomorrow. I have to go out anyway.

I am currently reading DH Lawrence’s The Rainbow. It was a very bad decision as the novel is quite intense. It does nothing in alleviating this feeling of exhaustion. If anything, it adds to it. Anyway, I have failed this year’s reading goals, being short of six books if I finish The Rainbow before the end of the year. Unlike in previous years that I wasn’t able to meet my target, this time nothing much happened, except that I was busy or too consumed with some stuff.

I have less than a week at home as I will be going to Singapore to spend New Year’s with the boyfriend. Work in a three-day window? I hope the next bout of mania will be for that.

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There’s always someone, somewhere with a big nose who knows

13 Nov

I consider myself to be above the usual Facebook ranting because I don’t even have Facebook. I won’t even post cryptic, meaningful stuff on Instagram stories or on messaging app statuses. But right now, I really want to rant. So to all the bots and casual victims spectators and random visitors, here goes.

I’m not perfect. No one is. But then sometimes one gets a feeling that there is someone who, while not necessarily openly hostile to you, will wait for you to mess up. Such was what I had today. I had overlooked something important, something that I had done two weeks ago, and only today was it raised, very publicly in the workplace WhatsApp group. For maximum effect, of course. So yeah, it wasn’t entirely my fault, but since I am the administrator, the fault is my responsibility. And so it went. A very busy day capped with WhatsApp dread. I’m okay, I was less stressed than I had feared, but I’ve learned my lesson. Sometimes one really has to micromanage. The important thing is to learn from this.

Rant end.

Back to listening to The Smiths.

SKAM

11 Nov

Failgets

30 Oct

I did this thing like five years ago, and I decided to try it out again because, well, I need a hobby aside from watching as many shows on Netflix as I can. So anyway, I needed to take a test to get the position. And then I just got word that I “didn’t pass it just yet”. So yeah…. The good news is that the position is not yet filled, the bad news is I have to basically re-learn old skills because I am too rusty! I’ll have to see if I have the time and energy for that. Cuz these days I spend too much time cooking. KCKO! Lol r

Too much chill?

27 Oct

For some reason, I managed to bingewatch three shows on Netflix within the last seven days: The Haunting of Hill House, Bodyguard and the second season of Atypical, which I finished just moments ago. It’s only 10.45 in the morning.

It’s the first Saturday in a long time where I’m just in bed at the house, no classes to go to or other work to do. It’s been terribly busy, actually, and I had wished for the weekend to come, and now here it is. And after another series done, I’m out of ideas again, lol.

I’ll probably go to the mall later and see about buying a sleeve for my new Macbook Pro. It’s my first Mac, and I’m liking the ease of using it, but the aluminium body looks too fragile. Lol. I can’t just dump it into my bag. So yeah, that and some groceries. I’m back to doing keto again, and if I’m able to resist all the temptations a mall can offer, then I’d be on my third day on lazy keto. So far, so good.

Anyway, it’s like I have nothing to do. I have a huge backlog of stuff that is best not to mention here. And the state of my room. I haven’t really sorted out my things since I moved back into the house three weeks ago. Something keeps holding me back. Laziness? A shitload of hesitation because of….? I don’t know. I just don’t feel like doing it.

But then again, I should take that first step. It always starts with one step.

All is well.

21 Oct

Sitting in the sofa with Kitty Cat, slowly easing into keto (at least starting tomorrow), using and getting used to my new MacBook Pro, and all is well.

Work is still busy, there are many things that need to be done by next week, but somehow it is easier on the mind, even if there are some things that I ought to worry about, such as my finances. And that I still have another year to work before I get a chance to start over somewhere new.

But it is good, that after many weeks of anxiety, I’m slowly getting back to a much more normal pace of life.

Let’s see!

Cat is back

14 Oct

And has an injured leg. Gonna have to go to the vet and have it sorted out.

Feeling more calm now. He’s alive.