Cat is back

14 Oct

And has an injured leg. Gonna have to go to the vet and have it sorted out.

Feeling more calm now. He’s alive.

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Ho do I get rid of sadness,

8 Oct

When the one thing that keeps me afloat is gone?

My cat hasn’t been back in a while. He was last seen by my housemate Friday or Saturday, limping. He hasn’t been back since, his food untouched. I wait and call for him, but he is not there. He used to wait for me by the kitchen door, just sitting and waiting, immediately meowing when he sees me. The absence is painful.

I feel gutted. It’s too much to hope that somebody actually took him in. He’s an ordinary cat, after all. It’s more likely that he has gotten into more trouble or is dead.

I want to hope but doing so is slowly breaking me.

Term break

5 Oct

This is my final night at home. Term break is about to end, and I’m flying back to Indonesia on Sunday. Time does fly even if you’re not having so much fun. For one, I worked one night, and on the succeeding days I did nothing work-related even if I was in a constant state of impending dread. I still have to make changes to a couple of exam papers that I am setting, and then vet a couple more. Dave will be leaving, and I have not made any changes to the affected timetables at all. And there are quite a few because classes are ongoing as exams are also happening. I haven’t done any lesson plans at all.

Most of the time I spent here I spent doing nothing. Mostly sleeping in twice during the day. I only left the house three times, once to buy furniture for my flat, and a twice for business at the DFA. I binged-watched season 5 of Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Netflix. I did not read any novels, though I did re-read the shoujo manga Parfait tic! for a couple of days. That’s 22 volumes in about 48 hours. After that, I felt emotionally drained.

This scene inspired a haiku I wrote and posted on the interwebs more than a decade ago.

I kind of miss the kilig feeling that shoujo manga gives me. Way back when, I devoured titles like these (it started with Hana Yori Dango and it was like falling into a rabbit hole from then on) and got my highs from them. Now, being older and maybe less hormone-fueled as I used to be, only shadows of those feelings were felt as I read page after page. I remember rooting for Ichi a lot when I first read this series, basically because the mysterious, intellectual Ichi is my kind of guy. But then, on the second time, and with more life experience to draw upon, I kind of understand why in the long run Daiya is a much better guy for Fuuko. He’s an honest, earnest, happy person. Also because Ichi seems to have an obessive personality. Lol. So yeah, 22 volumes done. I don’t know where to go from here. I know I have a lot of work to do, but I am in no shape to do them, mentally. Sigh. Back to real life soon.

The tale of my second rheumatologist.

30 Jun

I am home only for 2.5 weeks.

I had been suffering from pain on my feet, knees and fingers for months now, and sought Rheumatologist no. 2, who I will refer to now as AL, because he was the only one who had a convenient schedule when I went to the hospital to see my cardiologist.

He was relatively young, took detailed notes as I went over my complicated medical history. I should have noticed the lack of patience, the condescending tone, and it was only after I was on my third visit, PHP 2,100 poorer on consultations (without receipt) that I had admitted, with a sinking feeling, that I should have gone to a different doctor from the get-go (he even suggested it). He told me I had bursitis and even told me to Google it. He said I had osteoarthritis in the knee, but he couldn’t explain the pain and stiffness of my fingers. He was pretty adamant that it was not rheumatoid arthritis, that he wouldn’t give me treatment for that even if I had tested postive for the rheumatoid factor, if he had consented to it. He thought, I’m asssuming because I am overweight, that I might have diabetes. (With the exception of elevated white blood cells, everything in my blood count and urinalysis was clear.) He gave me a long explanation about how I should take my meds (Arcoxia) the same time each day, saying, with exasperation, you understand this right, because you’re a chemistry teacher. On the third time in his office, he seemed satisfied when I reported that the pain has lessened somewhat. The pain on my tendon is still there, though, and he said he had already tried all possible treatment options, with the exception of a direct shot of corticosteroid, because I was leaving in a couple of days and I had to rest it for 24 hours. So it’s like… Okay, just ask yer next rheumatologist in Indonesia, and don’t forget to get your kidneys and liver checked because of the Arcoxia.

Well, it’s my fault. I should have gone with my gut or my common sense. Bad doctor, stupid patient.

Lost in time

27 Jun

Somehow, I find myself listening to those old songs, something which I haven’t done in a long time. For one, I have no use for my old iPod, because I no longer have long commutes, dull stretches of time that I needed to fill with sound. I often leave my laptop at work, and even when it is at home, I just find myself sleeping off the hours, no music filling my room. It’s only on times like these, when the sudden urge grips me, that I listen. Memories, feelings, nostalgia. I feel like I am a very different person from when I had listened to songs obsessively, memorizing each riff, each beat, voice. I was a lot of things that I am no longer today. Life is boring and uninteresting, like me.

Sick

22 Jun

My dad and I just came from the vet with very bad news: Blitzy has canine distemper.

She will need a transfusion because her red blood cell and platelet count are dangerously low.

We took her home because distemper is a very contagious disease. I hope the puppies that we saw there earlier will be alright.

She has bleeding that does not stem quickly enough. She also has edema on the neck and stomach. The vet said that there might be internal bleeding.

There is no cure for canine distemper, just alleviating symptoms of conditions like infections that occur because of it.

I hope she pulls through.

Happier when the sun shines

20 Jun

I’m back home for the summer holidays, only it is the rainy season in the Philippines right now. On my first day back, the weather was dark and gloomy, but of late it has been a little sunny.

I should be somewhere else for the holidays, but it didn’t work out because of my many health issues. Too much stress. So I’m just taking it easy at home, doing some chores, making sure the dog takes her meds, reading a couple of Harry Potter books… I’m on to my third one now, which is book 5. I still have one and a half weeks, which is not a lot of time. Still have to shop for furniture for the flat, and also get a root canal. Ugh.

Tomorrow, I’ll be meeting up with a friend that I haven’t seen in a while. I’m curious how it’ll go.