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There’s always someone, somewhere with a big nose who knows

13 Nov

I consider myself to be above the usual Facebook ranting because I don’t even have Facebook. I won’t even post cryptic, meaningful stuff on Instagram stories or on messaging app statuses. But right now, I really want to rant. So to all the bots and casual victims spectators and random visitors, here goes.

I’m not perfect. No one is. But then sometimes one gets a feeling that there is someone who, while not necessarily openly hostile to you, will wait for you to mess up. Such was what I had today. I had overlooked something important, something that I had done two weeks ago, and only today was it raised, very publicly in the workplace WhatsApp group. For maximum effect, of course. So yeah, it wasn’t entirely my fault, but since I am the administrator, the fault is my responsibility. And so it went. A very busy day capped with WhatsApp dread. I’m okay, I was less stressed than I had feared, but I’ve learned my lesson. Sometimes one really has to micromanage. The important thing is to learn from this.

Rant end.

Back to listening to The Smiths.

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All is well.

21 Oct

Sitting in the sofa with Kitty Cat, slowly easing into keto (at least starting tomorrow), using and getting used to my new MacBook Pro, and all is well.

Work is still busy, there are many things that need to be done by next week, but somehow it is easier on the mind, even if there are some things that I ought to worry about, such as my finances. And that I still have another year to work before I get a chance to start over somewhere new.

But it is good, that after many weeks of anxiety, I’m slowly getting back to a much more normal pace of life.

Let’s see!

The tale of my second rheumatologist.

30 Jun

I am home only for 2.5 weeks.

I had been suffering from pain on my feet, knees and fingers for months now, and sought Rheumatologist no. 2, who I will refer to now as AL, because he was the only one who had a convenient schedule when I went to the hospital to see my cardiologist.

He was relatively young, took detailed notes as I went over my complicated medical history. I should have noticed the lack of patience, the condescending tone, and it was only after I was on my third visit, PHP 2,100 poorer on consultations (without receipt) that I had admitted, with a sinking feeling, that I should have gone to a different doctor from the get-go (he even suggested it). He told me I had bursitis and even told me to Google it. He said I had osteoarthritis in the knee, but he couldn’t explain the pain and stiffness of my fingers. He was pretty adamant that it was not rheumatoid arthritis, that he wouldn’t give me treatment for that even if I had tested postive for the rheumatoid factor, if he had consented to it. He thought, I’m asssuming because I am overweight, that I might have diabetes. (With the exception of elevated white blood cells, everything in my blood count and urinalysis was clear.) He gave me a long explanation about how I should take my meds (Arcoxia) the same time each day, saying, with exasperation, you understand this right, because you’re a chemistry teacher. On the third time in his office, he seemed satisfied when I reported that the pain has lessened somewhat. The pain on my tendon is still there, though, and he said he had already tried all possible treatment options, with the exception of a direct shot of corticosteroid, because I was leaving in a couple of days and I had to rest it for 24 hours. So it’s like… Okay, just ask yer next rheumatologist in Indonesia, and don’t forget to get your kidneys and liver checked because of the Arcoxia.

Well, it’s my fault. I should have gone with my gut or my common sense. Bad doctor, stupid patient.

Aggretsuko is my spirit animal.

6 May

I just finished watching Aggretsuko on Netflix. Very relatable, at least when it comes to facing a huge amount of workload. Although I wish I could just belt out a heavy metal song and be alright after. In this case, a slow burn. This is what my desk looks like, literally.

Back

22 Apr

I’m back to Semarang.

Actually, I had a health emergency last week and ended up spending three days in hospital. A couple of days later I returned to the Philippines. And now I’m back. Better health-wise, but I guess I still have a lot of pent-up anxiety. I must learn to get a better hold of it, of myself, because while I know I am not at peak stress, my body begged to differ.

I’m at that point again when I am starting to get unsure and have that feeling of wanting to get out. But then, I signed for two more years, I have mortgage to pay, I’m not ready to give up the kind of lifestyle my work has afforded me. But yeah, I am not centered. There is something lacking if life is just waking up, going to work, getting back from work, and waiting for the weekend and the next holiday. I know I’ve been really fortunate, but yeah, I don’t live like I am. I’m not making the most of it.

What’s a cat lady to do?

8 Apr

I’ve had this persistent symptoms of allergy (basically itchy all over) for a few weeks now. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a doctor and persisted on an IgE specific test. I realized too late why he was a little hesitant (aside from the possibility of a false negative or a false positive result): it cost about 150USD. So anyway, yesterday (because it has been terribly busy at work) I went to the hospital to get my results.

It says that I was allergic to cats.

I felt crushed. Does this mean I have to get rid of Kitty Cat, who is basically the only thing I look forward to after a long day at work? Does this mean I cannot spend time at home back in the Philippines, because getting rid of seven cats (Basil has died) is out of the question? What’s a cat lady to do?

Of course, there are options, like immunotherapy or allergy shots. But still, it was terribly saddening. Why cats and why now?

:'(

Home

19 Mar

Been home a couple of days now. I will only be here a week, and it somehow got me far away removed from the nightmare that was the last few weeks of work. Right now I am reading The Tempest, trying to inject some quality reads into my Goodreads reading goal, because so far all I have finished are children’s books. Lol. It feels good, somehow, to be able to be away from it all. It is a good bonus that it is not exceedingly hot considering that it is summer here in the Philippines. The mangoes aren’t ready for the picking yet, though. Sad!