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Lost in time

27 Jun

Somehow, I find myself listening to those old songs, something which I haven’t done in a long time. For one, I have no use for my old iPod, because I no longer have long commutes, dull stretches of time that I needed to fill with sound. I often leave my laptop at work, and even when it is at home, I just find myself sleeping off the hours, no music filling my room. It’s only on times like these, when the sudden urge grips me, that I listen. Memories, feelings, nostalgia. I feel like I am a very different person from when I had listened to songs obsessively, memorizing each riff, each beat, voice. I was a lot of things that I am no longer today. Life is boring and uninteresting, like me.

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Sick

22 Jun

My dad and I just came from the vet with very bad news: Blitzy has canine distemper.

She will need a transfusion because her red blood cell and platelet count are dangerously low.

We took her home because distemper is a very contagious disease. I hope the puppies that we saw there earlier will be alright.

She has bleeding that does not stem quickly enough. She also has edema on the neck and stomach. The vet said that there might be internal bleeding.

There is no cure for canine distemper, just alleviating symptoms of conditions like infections that occur because of it.

I hope she pulls through.

Happier when the sun shines

20 Jun

I’m back home for the summer holidays, only it is the rainy season in the Philippines right now. On my first day back, the weather was dark and gloomy, but of late it has been a little sunny.

I should be somewhere else for the holidays, but it didn’t work out because of my many health issues. Too much stress. So I’m just taking it easy at home, doing some chores, making sure the dog takes her meds, reading a couple of Harry Potter books… I’m on to my third one now, which is book 5. I still have one and a half weeks, which is not a lot of time. Still have to shop for furniture for the flat, and also get a root canal. Ugh.

Tomorrow, I’ll be meeting up with a friend that I haven’t seen in a while. I’m curious how it’ll go.

November rain

7 Nov

With a friend at Sushi Tei

15 Jul

I am devastated that she doesn’t like eating at the sushi bar. Opted for a corner table right next to the dishwashing room. Lol. How I miss you, Shirley. 

They closed down all the 711s in Indonesia

15 Jul

I flew back to Indonesia Tuesday night. Before that, I had to drop Blitzy off to the vet because she was scheduled to be spayed that evening. She had been diagnosed with pyometra days before, so it was decided that she will get fixed to prevent re-occurence of the infection.

My mom will be picking her up from the vet’s later this afternoon.

I came back one day before our two-day conference, which ended yesterday. I had booked a suite at the usual place in Menteng. I invited a friend to come with me and we will be going back to Semarang on Sunday.

This morning we went out to buy breakfast at the 711 across the street. It was closed. We went up instead and found an open Bakmi GM branch. I googled if there were other 711s close by and I was shocked to see that all the branches were listed as permanently closed. I looked it up and found a wiki entry that the 711s in Indonesia had all closed because of a failed acquisition. So sad.

So far, very relayed except for some annoyances at work. This year is going to be very interesting because of certain personalities. Lol. But anyway, I hope that this year will be much better than the last. I have a favourite class and this is their senior year. I intend to do all I can to ensure that they will get the best results for their external exams… I just hope that said personalities will not be an impediment to that. Hah.

I have more preparations this year, although I still have the same number of assigned teaching units. Somehow I am eager to start already. Somehow.

13 Reasons Why

9 Apr

Just so you know, spoilers galore.

I just finished watching the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why, mostly because I was down with the cold and could only roll around in bed. There are 13 episodes, but unlike most I guess I couldn’t binge more than 3 episodes at a time, which does not really constitute bingeing. Anyway, I had to force myself to watch it, especially halfway through, because I actually put it in my bujo list. Lol. Gotta shade ’em squares, right. The middle part was excruciating slow and everyone seems to be painfully stupid and self-absorbed except for the “unhelpful Yoda” Tony.

So, I finished it today. The last three episodes were good. Although I do feel like Hannah was just trying to fuck people over with killing herself. Okay, that’s actually a real reason why people kill themselves: to get revenge. That was pretty evident with the last episode, when she goes to the counselor’s office. She secretly records her conversation with Mr. Porter. She speaks about her assault. Mr. Porter asks if she told the guy no, and if she wants to press charges. Negative on both, and Mr. Porter tells her that if she is unwilling to go to court, then she should just move on. Admittedly, that is cold. But Hannah herself stands up and ends the conversation. She goes out of Porter’s office, looks back, and waits for him to call her back in to his office. He doesn’t. So his door is closed behind her. She goes home, gets into the tub, and slits her arms.

There is no epilogue. There are still some unsettled stuff, such as Alex’s attempted suicide. Justin going away with a bottle of vodka and a gun, creepy Tyler prepping to become a school shooter, Hannah’s parents starting to listen to the audios. I guess the producers were fishing for the possibility of a new season. I haven’t read the book so I wouldn’t know. But I think doing a season 2 would be a bad idea. For one, it’s not a crime procedural. We can pretty much guess how it will go for Porter. And for Bryce, for that matter. Poor Porter, though. Hannah fucked it up for him real good. Everyone has something going on for them, but of course with the state of mind Hannah was in, everything was about her and the punishment she has in store for everyone who she thinks wronged her, including Porter whom she thinks as someone who didn’t save her.

So yeah, while all of it is valid (i.e., high school can be terrible, we should be mindful of how our actions affect other people, what we do have consequences) I didn’t have much patience for all the self-centered teen angst. Actually, I can relate. I have some points in my life (even as an adult) where I have felt something similar. But looking back at those days, I wish I had realized that I didn’t have to go at it alone, that the world was not out to personally make my life hell. Everyone has issues. I wish I wasn’t so focused on mine.

I think even if one is hurting really bad, it is necessary to ask for help. Essentially it is not a move to find a savior: it is a decision to save oneself. Because your life is yours, and at the same time it is not yours. Your life is also tied to the people who love you and care for you. Should you decide to end your life to end all your suffering, you are consigning everyone else who loved you to suffer for the rest of their lives.

Depression is real. But it is also something that can be managed if one has support. The first step you take should always be your own, but you can only know that if you know your options and their consequences. That is not something we see with 13 Reasons Why. If there is any epilogue or last message that should have been shown, it is for suicide support hotlines. I think the producers missed an opportunity to reach out to kids who might be going through the same thing Hannah does in the show.