Burnout

25 Feb

I feel it coming.

Because I find myself sometimes thinking of alternatives.

There are days when I just collapse in bed after getting home from work and waking up past midnight.

Most days I do not find the time or energy to do things I enjoy, like reading, listening to music or watching something on Netflix.

I  am exhausted all the time. That is why I feel exceedingly happy when I have an opportunity to take a siesta (such as when there are long weekends).

I neglect even my daily routines.  Things I now do only sporadically: meal prepping, writing on my bullet journal, moisturizing my face in the evening.

I feel like I do not have time to finish all the things I need to do. This week I went to school for seven days straight. Monday to Friday, work. Saturday, extra classes. Sunday, marking papers. I still have a pile of stuff that needs to be done. It is like the seven days in the week is not enough for all of it.

Teaching is one of those careers where burnout is very common. I feel like this time is different. More than anything, it is the sheer amount of work that needs to be done is doing me in.

I want to escape all of it.

Counting down til the term break comes around.

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Philippines revokes licence of leading news website Rappler

27 Jan

Philippines revokes licence of leading news website Rappler

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jan/16/philippines-revokes-licence-news-website-rappler-free-press?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_WordPress

This is nauseating… What is happening back home. A murderous dictator and his coterie of ass-lickers. An army of internet trolls. I have friends who believe that Duterte is the best thing to happen to the Philippines. 

But it’s just history repeating itself. 

Guilty pleasure

20 Jan

Somehow I ended up watching From 5 to 9 yesterday. It had been years since I last earnestly watched a j-dorama. I was pretty much into it especially before I started working in Indonesia. I had also watched a handful of them on Neflix, but not with the same dedication or frequency as I had before. And Yamapi! Back then I was on a mission to watch everything he had ever appeared in. And so when I watched this 2015 dorama… 

Yeah, I’ll just leave that to your imagination. 

Anyway, considering that it had been a long time, I’ve come to realize just how different I view things these days. For one, From 5 to 9 has some pretty cringe-worthy scenes: every stolen kiss is pretty much sexual harrassment, and Yamapi’s Takane is a creepy stalker. Good thing he is so good-looking! You can stalk me anytime!!! (Love you, J!) And also… I thought Buddhist monks have to have shaved heads! And why is he so rich? Isn’t his car too nice for someone who is supposed to have relinquished all wordly possessions? 

But then I stuck through all 10 episodes of it, binge-watched till 1.30 am, then did almost nothing all Saturday except stay glued to my screen. I guess it is good to turn off your brain once in a while and just enjoy the experience and be entertained. It’s a shame that for me j-dorama has become a guilty pleasure. Practical stuff, real life, adulting…. I have to consciously make myself escape reality to not spoil the fun. 

I’m not gonna lie. I had fun. Tears were shed. I felt happy and satisfied. It’s not the best, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. 

Next up, Code Blue Season 3!

December. 

16 Dec

I got back this morning. Currently at my flat somewhere in Mandaluyong. I’ve been trying to get an Uber or a Grab but to no avail. Drivers busy, both apps say. In the mean time my battery was running low, and I went back up to the unit (I was making my bookings at the lobby) to recharge my phone and my spare battery. With how things are going, I might get back home late afternoon or early evening. 

Shit sucks. 

Anyway, I will be running some errands and applying for a visa to Taiwan. And let’s see from there. 

I can’t help but have this feeling of dread and sadness. 

It’s a sad situation. 

I’ll try to be happy. Or at least enjoy the moments while they last. 

Sweet.

9 Dec

Saturday that was meant to be spent marking papers was instead spent lazy and in bed. Maybe I will give it my best tomorrow? Just now I was watching a Japanese show on Netflix called Kantaro: The Sweet Tooth Salary Man. It is literal food porn. Like 12 minutes into the pilot Kantaro is in ecstasy while waiting for his anmitsu. Anyway, why does it always have to be about food? There is this other show on Netflix with the same theme… a retired guy off to enjoy his newly found free time by treating himself to nice meals. It is too hard to watch especially when one is on a diet. But lol, who am I kidding? Here I am typing away with my Starbucks lemonade, having just finished a panini. I broke my four-day keto diet streak a couple of days ago, and I figure I can allow myself another day since I will be heading to a birthday party with a rumored eight-course meal later for dinner. Maybe I will give it my all tomorrow?

It’s unbelievable but it’s the holidays again in a week. I have already booked all my flights (and am now poor by USD700) but other than the empty sensation in my pocket it hasn’t sunk in yet. Going home, being there for a few days, and then heading to Taiwan with J. Maybe for the last time? I don’t know. An empty feeling that hasn’t sunk in yet. Uncertainties are like that.

I wish I can wait for it, like how our guy Kantaro anticipates his sweet anmitsu.

.

9 Nov

No winter, no autumn

8 Nov

I haven’t booked a flight back home. And now it is ridiculously expensive: 9jt one-way. I don’t know what to do yet. Been awfully busy lately. And then timing. People being assholes. 

Change of plans, now there is no plan. I’m glad I have friends, though. I guess it is the one fortunate thing I have in life. I have people who have my back. Those who genuinely care for my welfare, who are able to emphatize. Others, though, comfort themselves by thinking they care for you but do things contrary to that. I’m lucky that for me a meaningful human connection is not a fucking novelty.  But I digress. 

I’m planning to get a Macbook. I’ve always used Windows, but perhaps it is time to try something new.