Birthdays and emergency vet visits

I’m back home for a week. Midway through my holiday, this is the second time I’ve gone to the vet’s clinic. Sunday I had to take Blitchy because she had cloudy eyes. Turns out it was an infection and her kidney function is still the same, which is not optimal. She may have to be on a special diet for the rest of her life. She’s 4 now.Today, I had to take Twisty (David Bowie didn’t stick) there. Last night he became lethargic, and we were pretty sure he wouldn’t make it through the night (there are no emergency pet hospitals here). Well, he did, so I took him first thing in the morning. No breakfast, no bath. He was still very weak. Had him hooked up to an IV drip, and his CBC showed that he is severely anemic and has an infection. Yellow inside the ears? It could be his kidneys. They called up a blood donor cat for emergency blood transfusion. This big guy here is a hero.I always have a bad feeling about birthdays and cats getting sick. A few years ago, Maru died on my birthday. He was away for a few days and then showed up weak and just lying on the same patch of ground. We moved him but he always returned there. I didn’t take him to the vet. That evening, we placed him inside the house. Then with his last strength, he went back to that spot, and died. It was my fault, I know. So now when it happens again, and today is my mom’s birthday. I have a bad feeling about this. But let’s hope for the best.

Day 4: Cold summer

Yesterday J and I went to Frankfurt. Walked around at Ziel, then the Iron Bridge, then Frankfurt Cathedral. We went back to Offenbach to buy shoes, because my Wakai slip-ons were painful to walk with. Got a pair of shoes for around €40 from a shop. What was weird was that they didn’t even give the box. Lol.

Today we took the dog Nicky for a walk around the neighborhood. There was a big allotment garden nearby. I’ve been around the block a couple of times, but I still can’t remember streets well enough to feel confident about walking alone.

I still have to get used about the daylight times. I feel like it is three PM when it’s actually past seven. So the only thing fucked up is my siesta schedule, I guess.

Gotta have to sleep early tonight. Tomorrow is the meet-the-grandparents-and-the-dad-and-everyone-else-on-that-side-of-the-family-day.

Also, I have booked the flights for the September Japan trip. Gonna have to work out an itinerary.

Right now, watching the new season of Designated Survivor.

 

Day 1. Frankfurt and Offenbach

Flying Singapore Airlines practically spoils everything for me. I was on one on my Jakarta – Singapore flight, and it was easily the best airline experience I’ve had so far. They also had the classiest flight safety information video ever. So when I got on a Lufthansa for the Singapore – Frankfurt flight, I was kinda overwhelmed. I mean, Lufthansa is not bad, but Singapore Airlines is just too good. Too bad though, I will not be able to afford it for long-haul flights lol.

It was a very long walk from the plane to the immigration. When I got there I was a little nervous, and was asked pretty much the standard questions. “What is your destination?” to which I reply, sheepishly, “Germany?” I mean… lol. And then the guy asked for hotel booking, and onward flight ticket. All standard, right? Right?

So, anyway, I got through, got my luggage, and met J at the arrival area. Pretty unreal, eh, him waiting for me at the airport instead of the other way around. A first in the six years we’ve been together lol. Anyway we went and I withdrew cash from a random ATM, where the rates are not bad at all, and then got on the train, where, I finally realize what a spoiled Asian princess I have been. Lol. I look at the things I took for granted, like air conditioning in the train or basically anywhere, ride hails, bidets and yeah, can’t see it here. And then we walked. And walked. And walked some more around the neighborhood and towards the River Main. I told J that he should have taken it easy with me. After all, with Jakarta and Semarang not having pedestrian-friendly streets, I don’t really walk anywhere and just take the convenience of a Grab or Go Car ride. The walking was too much, but admittedly something that I need to get used to. My legs are sore, but yeah, will have more of that again tomorrow, I guess.

The summer days here are long. We had dinner with J’s landlady W outside, where there is still light at 8.00 PM.

W has a dog, Nick, and we’ve been fast friends. He likes playing fetch endlessly, until he has to be commanded to take a break. I thought I was special, but then I was told that he is like that to everyone. Thanks, Nicky. Lol.

So sleepy right now. It is only half past 10, but then in Indonesia it is already 3 AM. Is this the so-called jet lag? I don’t really know.

Dizzy Girl

Tonight is my final night here, the last night I will be with my cat. I’m not sure if he will still be here when I get back. I’m hoping. Hoping against hope. My mind will always be here, thinking of him.

So I leave for Jakarta tomorrow, and then get on a flight to Singapore the next evening. Okay, I have yet to find out if I actually have a visa to go to Germany, and there is no way for me to know except to get my passport myself, but the flights have been bought. Worst case, I don’t get a visa, I book a flight to the Philippines and lose like 14jt IDR in the process. Maybe I can just go back to Indonesia and be with my cat. I can’t really think straight right now.

Setting aside all the immediate unknowns, a recent bright spot was that I was able to buy a ticket to Number Girl’s Nagoya Diamond Hall gig. Yesterday I had set the alarm, turned on my laptop, got my credit card ready, and then waited for 8 AM. The special Ticket Pia site (they had set up a special one for people who have no Japanese postal address) was down and I had to keep clicking, for about 15 minutes, till I finally got through. I was so nervous about the entire thing I even entered my birth month incorrectly lol. But anyway, I purchased the ticket successfully. So that’s one thing for sure: Japan in September. Just gonna have to get the visa early enough lol. I’m stoked.

Cleaning up a bt, hanging out with cat. Let’s see about tomorrow.

Summer is here.

The school year officially ended last Tuesday. The next day, a holiday, I spent sorting out my stuff at school. Filled a big trash bag with papers that I wouldn’t be needing anymore. It was something I should have done at the beginning, not at the end; but considering that I’ll be moving to a new desk and getting a better cabinet, it makes sense to have a Marie Kondo moment and get the place ready for a new start.

So, yesterday when I was preparing to leave I noticed something about my cat. His ear flaps were yellow. I checked his mouth and his belly: he was severely jaundiced. And then it hit me: he could be dying. One of the cats at home in the Philippines died a couple of months ago: he was positive for FIV (and also had juandice) and succumbed to infections, in spite of hospitalisation and blood ttansfusions. In the end my sister took him home to die. Twisty was my favourite cat among a litter of five.

So yeah, I left home, spent the day away, thinking of Kitty Cat. It’s very likely he will die from this, whatever is causing his jaundice. I was in a real dilemma. I was booked to leave on Tuesday. If I take him to a vet, where? I don’t even know of a good animal hospital here, much less a good vet. And even if I bring him there, I will have to leave him, which means he will have to spend a lot of time, perhaps his remaining days, in a cage in a strange place. He’s not very social, he’s either wary or scared of other people besides me. I can’t do that to him.

So before I headed home I went and bought him prescription food, hoping I was right to choose the kidney care kind (his urine was dark orange). All my roommates had left, it was just me. And my cat. But he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe my worst fear had materialised: he was very sick and hid somewhere to die. I was crying most of the time. I was thinking I shouldn’t have left that day. I could’ve spent the day with him. I went to bed, a little tipsy, just wanting to disappear.

Today I woke up and called for him. I knew it was a kind of futile exercise but I did it anyway. Then I heard it. He was meowing in response to my calls. I followed the sound, and I heard him behind the door of my second floor roommate’s room. I went downstairs and got the key a previous occupant of that room left, hoping that it would work. It did. I opened the door and there he was. He went downstairs. I noticed two sets of almost dried out pee on the floor. He must have been there 18 hours.

I followed him downstairs to the back of the house. He was drinking water. I got him some of the wet food I bought the day before. He ate some of it, but he mostly just drank water.

He spent the day downstairs, lying on the grass, on the at tiles near the laundry area, in the kitchen, in the dining room. I took him up to my room twice but he didn’t want to be there. So I let him be. Everytime I checked on him he was awake, never sleeping.

Any time now.

He ate the dry food too and I refilled it in the evening. When it was time for me to sleep I took him upstairs. He let me carry him like one would an infant. I lay him down. At first he wanted to leave so I just petted him. Finally he lay down. And then after a few minutes he lay on me. I let him be for a bit before I moved him to my pillow. He liked to sleep close to my head. I didn’t mind: that’s one of the reasons why I put a towel on my pillow, to catch the cat hair. Petted him a bit, he liked it when his head is rubbed, and then he fell asleep.

So yeah, however long it is, I hope I make him comfortable. It’s a dark thought, but if he is gonna die, I hope it happens while I am here. I’ve calmed down enough to accept that things like this happen. I just have to make sure that he is not suffering. I can’t say I’m not hopeful he will pull through. Just the fact that he’s here and not hiding out somewhere gives me some hope.

So yeah. It’s like that. A day at a time. Making the moments count, committing it to memory.

Found music again | bouts of mania

It’s the Christmas holidays. While I was never in the holiday mood – this year that feeling of detachment is much more obvious – I very much welcomed the change of pace. All of a sudden, the long work days (even the ones on weekends) ended and I had three weeks to get myself shitfaced. Well, not really. I found myself with three weeks of nothing doing. Though that is not entirely true as I have a list of tasks I have to finish before the work resumes again. I have not gotten around to starting any of those. Too lazy.

I noticed of late that I have somehow had this tendency of getting really into certain things. A craving for a connection, knowledge, entertainment. In the weeks leading to the holidays, when I would not fly out to Jakarta or somewhere outside of S, I would spend the weekend cooped up in my room, doing stuff like watching entire seasons of shows on Netflix, or the entire four seasons of SKAM, in one weekend. Also some other things it would be best for me not to mention here. And so now those are gone, exhausted by bouts of mania, I find myself going back to music.

So now my last.fm account is once more scrobbling, since yesterday I had been listening to music practically the entire day. And I realise how much music is missing from my current collection, but I cannot do anything about it for now (outside of looking for albums on Apple Music, which in most cases isn’t as the stuff I want are only available in the Japanese iTunes Store) until I buy myself a connector for my external hard drives. Maybe tomorrow. I have to go out anyway.

I am currently reading DH Lawrence’s The Rainbow. It was a very bad decision as the novel is quite intense. It does nothing in alleviating this feeling of exhaustion. If anything, it adds to it. Anyway, I have failed this year’s reading goals, being short of six books if I finish The Rainbow before the end of the year. Unlike in previous years that I wasn’t able to meet my target, this time nothing much happened, except that I was busy or too consumed with some stuff.

I have less than a week at home as I will be going to Singapore to spend New Year’s with the boyfriend. Work in a three-day window? I hope the next bout of mania will be for that.

Lost in time

Somehow, I find myself listening to those old songs, something which I haven’t done in a long time. For one, I have no use for my old iPod, because I no longer have long commutes, dull stretches of time that I needed to fill with sound. I often leave my laptop at work, and even when it is at home, I just find myself sleeping off the hours, no music filling my room. It’s only on times like these, when the sudden urge grips me, that I listen. Memories, feelings, nostalgia. I feel like I am a very different person from when I had listened to songs obsessively, memorizing each riff, each beat, voice. I was a lot of things that I am no longer today. Life is boring and uninteresting, like me.

Back

I’m back to Semarang.

Actually, I had a health emergency last week and ended up spending three days in hospital. A couple of days later I returned to the Philippines. And now I’m back. Better health-wise, but I guess I still have a lot of pent-up anxiety. I must learn to get a better hold of it, of myself, because while I know I am not at peak stress, my body begged to differ.

I’m at that point again when I am starting to get unsure and have that feeling of wanting to get out. But then, I signed for two more years, I have mortgage to pay, I’m not ready to give up the kind of lifestyle my work has afforded me. But yeah, I am not centered. There is something lacking if life is just waking up, going to work, getting back from work, and waiting for the weekend and the next holiday. I know I’ve been really fortunate, but yeah, I don’t live like I am. I’m not making the most of it.

Home

Been home a couple of days now. I will only be here a week, and it somehow got me far away removed from the nightmare that was the last few weeks of work. Right now I am reading The Tempest, trying to inject some quality reads into my Goodreads reading goal, because so far all I have finished are children’s books. Lol. It feels good, somehow, to be able to be away from it all. It is a good bonus that it is not exceedingly hot considering that it is summer here in the Philippines. The mangoes aren’t ready for the picking yet, though. Sad!

Sweet.

Saturday that was meant to be spent marking papers was instead spent lazy and in bed. Maybe I will give it my best tomorrow? Just now I was watching a Japanese show on Netflix called Kantaro: The Sweet Tooth Salary Man. It is literal food porn. Like 12 minutes into the pilot Kantaro is in ecstasy while waiting for his anmitsu. Anyway, why does it always have to be about food? There is this other show on Netflix with the same theme… a retired guy off to enjoy his newly found free time by treating himself to nice meals. It is too hard to watch especially when one is on a diet. But lol, who am I kidding? Here I am typing away with my Starbucks lemonade, having just finished a panini. I broke my four-day keto diet streak a couple of days ago, and I figure I can allow myself another day since I will be heading to a birthday party with a rumored eight-course meal later for dinner. Maybe I will give it my all tomorrow?

It’s unbelievable but it’s the holidays again in a week. I have already booked all my flights (and am now poor by USD700) but other than the empty sensation in my pocket it hasn’t sunk in yet. Going home, being there for a few days, and then heading to Taiwan with J. Maybe for the last time? I don’t know. An empty feeling that hasn’t sunk in yet. Uncertainties are like that.

I wish I can wait for it, like how our guy Kantaro anticipates his sweet anmitsu.